friend of mine from many moons ago has a blog, and writes at a pretty steady clip. She's married, with kids & a husband, and records her highs and lows with a fair amount of transparency. I'm jealous of her openness. Just recently she wrote a heartfelt lament about communication breakdowns between spouses. It wasn't a resolved issue, either -- It sounds like it's painful and ongoing. What I wonder about is whether her husband reads the blog. This is the issue that sort of dogs me; I have a wife and family and in-laws and a random assortment of other people that [at one time] read this (though people get bored after a 14 month hiatus and move on to more enjoyable things, like sudoku, or root canals, so if they still read this is rather debatable). The thing is, when I first started writing here, I was single. I had to answer to no one for my opinions, and simply needed to be tactful when writing about family affairs. But I could write about them, and dating, and be pretty impertinent about it all. I had no need for diplomacy, or was simply not smart enough to see the need. It made for a much more natural style of writing, for better or worse.

Now I've sort of punked out. I don't mention real arguments Sally and I have because it feels a bit like whispering to a friend about someone else while that someone else is standing right there.

I can't use the site for the sort of conspiratorial seeking & lending of advice that I once did, because some of the things I may be thinking aren't nice. And the people I think them about very well could read it. Heck, I wrote a mean-spirited comment a few years ago here about a friend that joined a sorority. I've got major hangups with the role "Greek Society" plays on campus, and tend to react strongly when someone points to them as anything but dens of elitism, date-rape & debauchery. This person's character rose above that reality, but I made the remark here, and she read it, and it predictably soured the relationship. Blogs can be a great recorder of what you're feeling right now, but have a terrible capacity for indicating amendments to feelings over time. Your angry thoughts live well past their point of expiration, but to delete them is rather unthinkable. Why record anything if you're afraid of being wrong later?

I notice I've taken the safe path, and my posts have declined in frequency and depth in response. I write about work on our office or house, about taking a trip in the broad strokes of locations & destinations without any passion for the events taking place. No talk about familial dramas that play out, unless they can be spun as funny and tenderized down to the most anonymous actors. I own a business with 7 employees, and I co-own it with my brother. When I go home stressed and angry with various employees (or my brother), I don't mention it here. I want to spew my opinions and make my jokes with all the names and accuracy possible, but realistically, the fallout simply isn't worth it.

So I'm whining about the decline and fall of What Once Was & No More Shall Be. Maybe it's an opportunity in disguise though... Maybe there's a way to write something interesting and engaging without airing dirty laundry. Maybe I'll figure it out.

And for the record, it's Sally who's the hooplehead.